The chance for a fresh start

Let’s be honest, we’re not asked, but get born into this world to later try to survive school and enter the adventure called life. They taught us everything in school, but not how to do life. Agree?

In college, same thing… at work, same!

BUT then everyone expects us to figure out life in our twenties and thirties.

Seriously?

While writing this I’m 33, no kids, no married, I left “that job” and I feel like I have nothing figured out. I just entered a new chapter in my life moving from Germany to Los Angeles.

One of so many other adventures. I wonder if I ever want this to end? Does it have to?

I say no. I live for those moments in life, facing the unknown and letting life surprise me. But I have to admit, I haven’t always been that positive and full of life.

Before I found the courage to go for my wildest dreams and do the inner work to enter a new level of feeling alive I was pretty broke, sabotaging myself and life felt like a never-ending battlefield against my own ego.

Let’s do a bit of time travel again and share a real and raw story.

I was diagnosed with “adjustment disorder” two times. It’s also called reactive or situational depression.

It’s caused by an outside life stressor or traumatic life event and luckily resolves once the person (in this case me) is able to adapt to the situation.

General loss of interest, feelings of hopelessness, crying, anxiety… combined with disbelief, self-doubt, not feeling enough and lovable. Toxic combo.

I was 17 when I saw a therapist for the first time. Again in my early twenties, in my late twenties and then I left my 9-5.

The people I loved tend to leave me.

I became too much for so many people.

It broke my heart to see many people go and it took a while until I accepted it as the fact that this is the journey of life. Some people are not meant to be in our lives, which is ok.

I used to build a huge wall around me, especially emotionally to protect myself. I made myself invisible, which led to the feeling of not belonging here. It feels like having something very self-destructive within which I for sure had but the show must go on, right?

My show went on until I decided that I don’t want to hide anymore. I am not defined by any illness. It’s ok to have and be that. When I was younger it wasn’t a usual thing to see a therapist or coach.

Today it luckily is more and more common and I’m glad that the awareness for mental health is increasing! It’s definitely time to speak that pain out and simply say “I don’t mind” what others think about me.

There are so many people out there suffering from mental illness, it’s a sad story.

So if I am able to break the silence and speak up for them, then it’s worth sharing my story. Because I am here, feeling stronger than ever. And so can you.

Sometimes we have to learn the greatest life lessons the hard way… I for sure did!

Life can feel like being a Crash-Test-Dummy. I chose to be one sabotaging myself on a daily basis. Until I decided that this is not the life I want to live. You have a choice.

How did I overcome those obstacles?

Yes, I was seeing doctors, trying to express what is pulling me down. Trying to find words for those demons inside, the fears, the labels I put on myself. It’s like being haunted by something words can’t describe.

How can I erase the past and make it forget to put it where it belongs. Out of my mind not taking any space in my present life. How to move on from pain, memories, and emotions that lead your whole life disempowering you on a daily basis.

I had days when I couldn’t get out of bed, where I got totally lost in this dark space of self-doubt and buried myself under a mountain of self-punishment for what happened in my life.

It’s pure poison.

I wasn’t even diagnosed with a real depression, so I truly don’t want to imagine what those people feel and go through. I can only say I see you, I know you there, maybe reading this and I truly hope that this story can be a light for you, empowering you, letting you know that you’re not alone.

It’s tough to find strength and do the first step out of the dark. Let this be a reminder that you have some powerful forces inside.

It’s the willpower and willingness to live, experience life in a more beautiful way. The one thing that drives you, worth fighting for. It’s you.

We all deserve better.

It felt like a long journey but in early 2019 I finally found the one thing that was key for me getting out of the dark. 

It was doing the inner work. That what people call now AWAKENING.

I loved to keep myself busy so I didn’t need to deal with my emotions. I distracted myself from my own emotions. But you nourish what you try to resist. So the dark side in me became bigger and stronger.

Until enough is enough.

 The way out was facing it all. Being true to myself.

I started to get into spirituality as a tool to uncover who I truly am. Doing the inner work and subconscious reprogramming. I was digging deep into what’s under my surface. Lots of tears, emotions, good and bad, gratitude, acceptance, surrender to find the real me and the path meant for me.

I let go of old beliefs, limitations, the past, labels, rules and I started to create my own colorful reality.

In 2019 I became a chance for a fresh start while finding the courage to look inside. It has been the year where I learned and grew the most. I learned not to define myself by any diagnosis.

This is me. This is who I am with all my bullshit stories that turned into my greatest experience.

Through my coaching journey I was able to connect with many like-minded women and a beautiful tribe of good souls. The kind of women that remind you why you started when you forget. I’ve been pretty connected in the Boss Babe community since they started. In addition to that, I went to a spiritual retreat in May 2019 in Los Angeles.

After 5 intense days of facing more of my fears I went home with the decision and vision in mind to move to Los Angeles because it simply felt like home. At that time I had no idea HOW, but I learned once you place your order with the universe, you vibe on the right frequency, it’s done. Look out for more blog posts to come where I share what happened afterwards.

In your life you have to face the waves and let me tell you that your biggest dreams will challenge you the most.

Doing the inner work and mastering my mindset helped me to master life, how to deal with it and understand how it works. It’s been a great gift and brought ease into my life and so much more fun to see what unfolds once you start to believe in the unseen.

Now I’m more than happy to pass on. Inspire, ignite and help you expand the purest version of who you truly are.

More to come soon.

With love,
S

life

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